FF7 Story Line goes AWOL
by Suku17
Summary: Okay, this is what they DIDN'T show you in the movie or game. This is what happened behind the scenes, on the days off. When the FF7 gang all stayed in the lab. Yeah. Danger wih a capital D R&R! Gets funnier as you go along.
1. We Need a Hobby

**CHAPTER ONE We've GOT to learn how to knit or something... this is rediculous.  
**

"Da na na na na na na na... can't touch this." Yazoo sang along subconsciously with his mix CD. Yazoo, with his hair tied up into a ponytail and clad in a green apron and rubber gloves swept the floors. Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo had been punished for nearly destroying every experiment in the lab. Actually, it was Kadaj's fault for stealing Cloud's favorite Chocobo and running for his mortal soul from the wrath of the angry blonde.

Loz and Yazoo had followed Kadaj and Cloud through the lab, Yazoo lauging his ass off and Loz trying to catch the chocobo had ended in a small BANG as a cork shot off a test tube and hit Hojo in the head, knocking him unconscious. He wasn't very happy when he woke up.

Thus, the boys were resolved to sweeping, dusting, and mopping floors and other surfaces in the building. Yazoo and Loz had both been given regulation green aprons, and that was fine for them, at least theirs wasn't bright bubblegum-pink like Kadaj's.

On the lines of Kadaj, he was now on his hand and knees in a bright pink apron scrubbing floors in the women's bathroom. He stopped and threw the brush into the bucket of water. "_Tsh. This is so stupid. Yazoo was the one who tried to shoot the Chocobo after it tried to eat his hair. WHY DO I HAVE TO WEAR AERIS'S APRON?" _He thought ferociously. Two women walked into the bathroom talking and jabbering, but upon noticing Kadaj stopped and stared.

Kadaj heard one woman whisper, "Who is that? Is it a boy or girl? Oooh, they're so beautiful..." The second one snickered and nudged the other woman in the ribs softly with her elbow, "Oh Claire, you're such a gawker!" Kadaj tensed up. The women finished their... business... in the bathroom, washed their hands, (A.N. Sorry. I had to add that. It drives me crazy...) and left the bathroom, twittering on and on. Kadaj loosened up after they left.

Yazoo, Loz, and Kadaj all finished their chores. They walked up to their room together. Kadaj slammed the door and tore off the apron. "THAT! WAS! SO! NOT! COOL!" He threw himself onto the bed. Yazoo and Loz both calmly untied each others aprons and sat down on either side of Kadaj.

"Well. Kadaj... it WAS all your fault." Yazoo said, shrugging. Loz looked at Yazoo.

"He's right... " He agreed, looking away from Kadaj smiling.

"Oh well. Don't kill anyone Kadaj. It's time for bed, so you two hurry up. I'm tired." Yazoo slipped out of his leather suit and laid down in his usual place on the bed, closest to the door, and put on his headphones.

"Okay. I'l be right back." Loz said, walking to the door, "I want a snack before bed. Dusting sure is hard work!" Loz walked out the door an ddown the stairs twords the kitchen.

"Bah... up yours Yazoo." Kadaj looked at his brother, calmly reading his book and listening to some mix CD he had thrown together on Cid's laptop. Kadaj couldn't help but smile, no matter how angry he could get, Yazoo's calmness acted as a tranquilizer for him. He unzipped his suit and took it off.(A.N AHH! ducks as fangirls attack her for beautiful mental image) Walking over to the closet, he stepped on some chocobo chew toy Cloud left lying around. "OW! SON OF A...! THAT FIN HURT!"

"Will you shut up?" Yazoo said, turning the page of his book, "I'm trying to read."

Loz walked in with an apple smiling. He reached into his pocket, (A.N. Which would seem highly improbably with a LEATHER SUIT on.) adn took out two more. "I brought one for you guys too!" He beamed and finished his apple. He went to the closet and changed into his pajamas, (A.N. Kadaj and Yazoo sleep in their boxers. AHH! screams as fangirls attack for two beautiful mental images WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME!) and layed down in the middle of the bed between Yazoo and Kadaj. (A.N. Geez... 5th a.n. so far... Kadaj, Loz and Yazoo share a bed because that seems more apt for jokes. And they're brothers. Oaky!)

Kadaj rolled over, and looked out the window. "OMG what is going on out there?"

* * *

**OUT THERE**

"NOOO! VINCENT DON'T!" Cloud bawled at the top of his lungs.

"COME ON CLOUD! YOU'VE HAD THIS STUPID CHOCOBO DOLL SINCE PRESCHOOL!" Vincent leaped out of the way as cloud grabbed for the deformed stuffed animal.

"IT'S NOT A DOLL! DON'T TALK TO WINSTON LIKE THAT!" Cloud grabbed ferociously atthe limp doll.

"YOU NAMED IT WINSTON?" Vincent sighed. "Geez Cloud... you could have a least named it something less stupid..."

"WINSTON ISN'T STUPID! GIVE IT BACK YOU DUMB MEANIE HEAD!" Cloud flailed his arms as Vincent held him away from the doll in his left hand.

"JESUS CHRIST CLOUD! YOU LOVE THIS DOLL MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF!" Vincent held Cloud away with his right hand and creamed at the top of his lungs, "IF YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE AERIS AND MARRY IT?"

Cloud stopped and blinked. Aeris, who had suddenly been brought into the conversation, looked at the two men fighting and walked over to the scene.

"Are you two fighting over a DOLL?" Aeris looked at Cloud, "You still have that thing? I thought you said you would chop it up if I dated you! You lied to me! WAAAAH!" Aeris ran away crying.

"Way to go Vinnie! You sure did it this time! You should go talk to her, Spikey. She seemed pretty upset that you love that dumb Chocobo toy more than her... " Reno scoffed and tried to supress his giggle.

:WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Cloud yelled and attacked Reno. " AERIS IS MY LOVE!"

"WEll than let me destroy this thing! IN THE NAME OF AERIS!" Vincent yelled over Cloud proclaiming hi love for Aeris and attempting to beat the soul out of Reno.

_**(This scene to be continued in chapter 2)**_

* * *

"Okay. I have GOT to start wearing a mask... the ammonia in that washing stuff is makin' me see things..." Kadaj closed the blinds on the window and layed on his back on the bed. Yazoo looked over at him.

"Making you see what kind of things, Daaj?" Yazoo said, using Kadaj's childhood nickname.

"I swear I just saw Cloud in a foo foo dress with a teapot fighting over a Chocobo doll with Vincent!"

* * *

**Okay! This chapter is FINITO! Don't fret, children. (LOL) It gets a lot funnier. I know. This chapter was a little weak on humor. I cracked up and had to take a break when I started picturing Cloud in a foo foo dress, though.  
**

* * *


	2. Chocobos and Showers!

**Okay. Here it is, CHAPTER TWO!!!! AHH!!!! _(screams as she is bombarded by fangirls swarming for more beautious mental images) _AHH!!! OKAY!!! In this chapter, there will be UBER mental images. Oh yes. I am a twisted puppy. XD**

* * *

_In the morning..._

"Uggghhh... what is that noise...?" Yazoo pushed himself up on his elbows. "DAA-AA-J!!!" He yelled for his brother. No response. Yazoo groaned and fell to the bed again. "Guess I may as well get up. Grr..." He rolled off the bed and stood up. Stretching, he looked at the clock. " Only 7:00... WHAT???" He dove for the bathroom door.

BANG BANG BANG. Yazoo pounded on the door. " UNLOCK THE DOOR!!! WHO IS IN THERE!!!" He kicked the door. Hard. "SON OF A BITCH!!!" He grabbed his foot. "That hurt!!!" He fell tot he floor. Yazoo had never been very good at hopping on one foot. Sadly, he had rather bad motor skills.

"Hey Yazzy. Why are you on the floor? And in your boxers? Did I miss something fun?" Reno snickered and offered Yazoo a hand. Yazoo glared at him.

"Shut up Reno. I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!!!" Yazoo got up off the floor. "Who's in there, anyway? I'm locked out!" Yazoo looked at Reno. Reno laughed at him. "What?" Yazoo asked as Reno fell over laughing. "Seriously, what?"

Reno laughed harder. After a few minutes of Reno on the brink of wetting himself, (A.N. Sorry Reno fans.) he got up. "I thought you were the SMARTER one Yazzy." Reno turned the doorknob and opened the door a crack. "Pfft... locked out. Hee hee hee..." Reno walked away leaving Yazoo with his jaw hanging open, looking dumb.

Yazoo walked into the bathroom. The mirror was steamed up and the shower was on. "Who's in the shower?" He asked, still flustered by Reno being smarter than he was for once. (A.N. REALLY sorry Reno fans.) Yazoo wiped a spot clear on the mirror and started brushing his long hair.

After a few minutes, the water was still running. Yazoo said again, "Who's in the shower? Hellllloooo?" He walked over to the curtain and pulled it aside halfway. He stopped, absolutely awestruck. There, in the shower, stood, none other than... ...KADAJ!!!! (A.N. AHH!!!! Suku screams as fangirls attempt to glomp the screen, nearly taking her head off)

"Close the curtain, Yaz!!! It's cold!" Kadaj looked at his brother, water dripping down his bare skin. (AHH!!!! author is attacked by fangirls) "Seriously!" Kadaj looked at Yazoo. Yazoo sat on the floor, (where he had fallen at the sheer surprise of Kadaj in the shower) staring in disbelief, blushing absolute scarlet.

"S-s-sorry Daaj..." He shut the curtain and hung his head. "That was scary..." He whispered under his breath. Standing up, he froze as he heard the shower curtain open again. Luckily, the water had stopped.

"Can you grab me a towel, Yazoo?" Kadaj said, looking out from behind the curtain. Yazoo froze, scared to look behind him. He turned around and looked at Kadaj. "Are you gonna get it or do I need to get it myself?" Kadaj said impatiently.

"No!!! Please DON'T get out of the shower. I'll get the towel!!!" Yazoo stepped towards the towel closet, and slipped on the floor. "AHHHHHHHHHGGGHH!!!!"

**BAM! CRASH! BANG!**

" Agh... ouch..." Yazoo stood up feeling light headed. "I'll get the towel." He opened the closet thinking, _as long as Daaj stays in the shower... I won' die. _" AHH!!!!!" Yazoo screamed as all the towels flew out of the closet. He screamed louder when a small pink chocobo leaped out after them. "GET IT OFF!!! GET IT OFF!!! AHH!!!" yazoo screeched as the Chocobo tried to eat his hair. "No!!! NOT THIS AGAIN!!! WHY ME? WHY NOT SEPHIROTH!?!?!?" Yazoo screamed as the Chocobo sat on his head and chewed on his long silver locks.

KNOCK KNOCK. Cloud walked into the bathroom in his foo foo dress. You know, the one he was wearing yesterday while he fought Vincent for his Chocobo toy? The one he reserved ESPECIALLY for tea parties? Yeah!!! That's the one! (A.N. sorry, Mitsura, couldn't resist. Cloud is so easy to joke about! Don't worry, I love him too!) Anywho, Cloud looked at Yazoo on the floor screaming in a pile of towels and the pink Chocobo on his head. "There you are Sakura!!!" He picked up the Chocobo gingerly. "Here's a towel, Kadaj." Cloud threw a pink towel into the shower. Kadaj was sleeping at that time, because he was bored and Yazoo had other things to do than get him a towel.

* * *

**LATER THAT EVENING!!!**

Vincent walked into the bathroom and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the sight within. Yazoo was lying on the floor sleeping in a pile of towels in his boxers. Kadaj was sleeping on the floor of the shower covered in a towel. There was strands of long silver hair scattered across the floor and six Chocobos in the towel closet making nests. Vincent nudged Yazoo in the cheek (his FACE!! Come on. TELL me you weren't thinking that.) and Yazoo "Mmrff"-ed. So he was alive.

Vncent observed the scene once more and walked out.

Downstairs, Cloud repeated the story to everyone. "Yeah! Kadaj was sitting in the shower, and Yazoo was on the floor! All the towels fell out, all like, _Dosa Dosa_! and I found Sakura!" He smiled and laughed. "Go look for yourself!"

* * *

** THere. Sorry it isn't that funny. I'm absolutely BORED and TIRED right now. More later! And thanks to _northsky-chan _and _mitsura-chan _for being my first commenters!!! **

** Love ya' lots!**

**-Suku17**


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